


The Severing

by japastiel



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amputation, Angst, Blow Jobs, Fluff, Hux - backstory, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Pre Battle of Starkiller Base, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Slow Burn, Smut, Young Hux, Young Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 11:55:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6984028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/japastiel/pseuds/japastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What starts out as a one night stand between Captain Hux and former Jedi Apprentice Kylo Ren on a barren First Order outpost ends up as a life altering affair they never planned for. This quickly spirals out of control when Kylo starts showing up with broken bones and bruises from training under Supreme Leader Snoke unbeknownst to Hux, who is only looking to further his career. Fraught with insecurities and tragedy of circumstance, they both learn quickly that sometimes love isn’t enough. This is the the story of coping with loss and the test of time on what should be an impossible love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves.

Her perfume smells like sweet grass and spice with a hint of the underbelly of big city life. Krissa is Hux’s only friend when he’s thirteen and she’s not nice but she’s nice to him. Life in the unknown regions is lonely; everyone Hux knows is the offspring of wayward imperial officers and Hux is still the odd one out. 

 

He knows his destiny is to one day rule the entire galaxy and he also knows he’s not the only one who thinks so. His father reminds him every time he does something just short of perfect. 

 

_ How do you expect to make good decisions for the Empire if you can’t manage to wake up on time. _

 

It had been a Saturday morning and he had been out late with Krissa the previous night. They’d watched a cult holofilm she insisted was her absolute favourite. Hux didn’t know how anyone could enjoy two hours of ridiculous monsters murdering young virgins but they had laughed and eaten sweets until they were nearly sick. He’d never done anything like it in his life and he was overwhelmed with possibility of fun for the very first time. 

 

He isn’t popular with the other kids but he doesn’t care. Friends are overrated. A lion can’t befriend the wolves it commands, a fox is wary of the traps that are set. But Krissa is larger than life, big enough to fill any hollow spot Hux ever thought had been empty and in need of companionship.

 

At fourteen, Krissa smells like boldness and things a girl her age shouldn’t know and can’t learn from the library. And she dresses like a Corillian whore--  that’s what the other kids say. She dresses like a whore and that’s the reason no one messes with her, the reason they’re friends. She likes the things his last name affords her and he likes the way her low slung too short skirt keeps the bully wolves at bay. And Hux likes her legs.

 

_ “Hey, Brendol?”  _ She asks warily, testing the waters of their new found friendship.

 

_ “Don’t call me that.” _

 

_ “Eventually you’re going to have to tell me your name.” _

 

_ “Why? Is Hux not good enough for you?” _

 

_ “No.” _

 

It’s a bad start and her ‘ _ No’ _ stings more than he cares to admit, but it’s not like Hux has many options for friends. 

 

She’d only asked him one time. After that it was always  _ Hux-this _ and  _ Hux-that _ and any other pet name should could make up on the fly.  She’s aces as far as unusual secret guilty pleasures go-- and Krissa is weird but Hux likes that. She’s crass and his family would absolutely hate her because she’s the only daughter of a nobody commander from nowhere. She tells him that she knows exactly what she is and she laughs when he says it feels like they’re having a secret affair when he sneaks in through her bedroom window. Nothing in either of their lives has been private before so having something all to themselves is exciting and new. 

 

She’s the messiest thing he’s ever liked and she doesn’t quite fit in with the well ordered perfection of his neat mind, or appearance, or life. But he squeezes her in and makes her fit and eventually, she's worth rearranging everything for.

 

At fifteen, Krissa is sweet chaos and she smokes stolen cigarettes like she has nothing to lose. Hux realizes she doesn’t when they kiss once-- sometime during the summer before he leaves for the academy. It should be awkward because she’s taller than him with her too long legs and he has to tip up on his toes to match the added six inches in the form of her glossy sky high heels. But she leans into him like he’s her only source of warmth. It’s his first kiss and he can’t stop smiling when he thinks she isn’t looking. She told him he kissed like a corpse and punched him in the shoulder before flicking her lighter to life. He’s never been bad at anything before but instead of anger he’s jealous of the black clove smoke spilling over her lips out through the open bedroom window. 

 

Krissa tells him she’s not a whore because she doesn’t take money for it, sex is awesome and should be free for everyone. She grins, already knowing the answer when she asks if he’s done it. Of course he hasn't. He doesn’t have any friends, and he’s even less likely to have willing sexual partners. People assume they fuck even though they only talk about it. Hux wonders what it would be like. Would she moan if he slipped his fingers up her skirt, would she whimper if he dipped down to bite her thighs? What would she call him when he made her come? Would he be better than everyone else? Would she love it? Would she love  _ him _ ? No amount of order or planning or strategy will win her over because he knows she’s not a prize to be won and he’s  _ angry _ . Mostly at himself for wanting her at all.

 

She smells like dried flowers and sex the day he leaves for the new academy and he calls her a slut for the first time. She calls him _Brendol_ for the second time (even though it's not his name) with a nasty sneer on her face. He seethes all the way onto the transport later that day knowing he won’t ever see her again. She meant it as an insult but he doesn't take it as one-- she’s right. He sees more of his father in the mirror every day. He does have a name to live up to, a legacy and he doesn’t plan on disappointing his father or himself. 

 

He recognizes that the irony of telling himself to not think about her is that he is, in fact, thinking about her. 

 

Two years later he crushes the butt of an expertly rolled cigarette under his high gloss dress boot and isn’t sure if fucking half his graduating class is spiteful or reverent. 


	2. Distant Simultaneity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bar fight and a new friend.

Hux isn’t sure why he came to this particular backwater bar, but with his hair hanging loose and limp over his face, wearing his most worn in civvies, he knows he at least looks like he belongs. There are at least a dozen nicer bars within less than a mile and this one is particularly sleazy, not the sort of place that would take kindly to serving a first order officer--  or any government official for that matter. It’s dirty and definitely not a place he wants to be seen in by anyone who matters. 

 

But he's sitting at the bar nursing a drink that’s at least cold if unfortunately antiseptic. And just like alcohol at any finer establishment it’s doing its job just fine. Getting him drunk at breakneck speed. And at half the price. He can’t seem to forget about being transferred to this shitheap of a planet quickly enough-- only his second real command assignment and he’s been nearly kicked off the radar for any significant advancement. His dreams of grandeur and high rank snuffed in one short holo message. They couldn’t even bother to tell him he’s been all but fired to his face. Bastards. 

 

He takes a long sip of his drink, lets the ice tap at his teeth painfully before taking a slow look around the seedy room. It’s not much to look at, the only thing of interest is the laziest drunken fight he’s ever seen in his life. Two large human men are taking low sloppy swings at each other and doing far more damage to their own bodies by stumbling into chairs and walls. 

 

Just as Hux knows the brawl is about to be broken up, he feels the zing of insanity bubbling under his skin. So this is what rock bottom feels like-- barely twenty three living in the shithole boondocks of an outer rim planet and starting a pointless fight with two men that have at least thirty pounds on him a piece. Apparently he either wants his ass kicked so thoroughly he may qualify for disability retirement or just die altogether. He tries not to question his sanity as he slips off his barstool and walks slowly over watching one of them drop to the floor in a dazed heap. He can feel at least half a dozen silent eyes on him as he shoves both of his hands into the chest of the larger of the two men. 

 

“It’s fucks like you that mean I can’t have a quiet drink in this fine establishment. Everyone else is here is nice and peaceful, but no, you two are back here ruinin’ everything.” Hux crowds into the man’s space, his nose almost reaching the base of his sweaty throat. He gives him his best unimpressed sneer before reaching back for the knife tucked away in the waistband of his pants, “And I don’t think I want to take that from the likes of you.” 

 

Unfortunately for Hux, he’d completely discounted the other man who had managed to peel himself off the floor just in time to wrap his grimy fingers around the base of his neck effectively pinning Hux’s arm and his weapon behind his back. Hux closes his eyes, preparing himself for the inevitability of blacking out when the man’s fingers loosen, his body goes rigid and he quietly crumples to the floor. The burly man in front of him is already face down in a messy drooling heap and Hux isn’t sure what happened but definitely doesn’t want to know. 

 

Hux jumps when a hand lands on his sore shoulder pulling him away from the bodies. He slides his eyes back to find scuffed muddy boots and a ridiculous amount of tattered black fabric swathed over the broad shoulders belonging to the most bored looking boy he thinks he’s ever seen. How could anyone be so casual after two thugs just about murdered them. 

 

“You almost got yourself killed actually. I would have been fine with or without you. And you’re the one going around starting fights. So, the least you can do is buy me a drink for saving you.” The kid steers them towards the bar, ignoring anyone who hasn’t gone back to their drinks. 

 

“Saving me? You didnt do anything.”

 

“Sure I did,” the boy wriggles his long pale fingers before clasping over Hux’s shoulder. “magic.” 

 

“Right.” Hux draws all his vowels out before setting his mouth in a stern, unamused line, “I’m not buying you anything, kid. And you really don’t look old enough to drink. Get lost.” Hux peels himself away and makes his way back to his abandoned drink. Despite it being mostly melted ice, he downs it in one go before throwing payment onto the bar and pulls his worn-in leather jacket tighter around his shoulders. When he turns to leave he sees the kid leaning cocksure and crooked in the doorframe. Waiting.

 

Hux unflinchingly ignores him and steps out into the busy street. He lights a cigarette and squints into the setting suns as he starts his walk home. “Are you gonna follow me all the way home then?” He takes a long drag off his cigarette and sets off at a brisk pace. He frowns slightly when he hears the heavy boot steps of the kid, and slows down, “What do you think you’re--”

 

“If you aren’t going to buy me drink. For, you know, saving your life. The least you could do is… oh I dunno blow me.” 

 

Hux stops dead in his tracks, his mouth slightly ajar, “You have got to be kidding me. Blow you-- what makes you think-- I would never-- how--  are you even old enough to--?” Hux splutters looking at the irritating smirk growing wider on the kid’s face. 

 

“I’m  _ definitely  _ old enough. And if you’re gonna take me home and fuck me you might as well tell me your name.” He starts walking again, his long piecemeal duster catching in the wind. “I’m Kylo.”

 

Hux crushes his half smoked cigarette under his boot and can’t believe that this is his life as he follows in Kylo’s shadow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on [[tumblr]](http://saintvader.tumblr.com/)


	3. Oh Four Fourty Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux wakes up...

The alarm on Hux’s comm blares at 0445, he scrambles blindly over to silence it for five more minutes of blissful sleep. His head is pounding and his mouth feels like he gargled with an even mix of broken glass and sand. It had been a long night with what tasted like cheap cigarettes, gin and regret. A long arm reaches over to his chiming comm before Hux can find it and slams it into his chest. He hears a muffled groan from the next pillow over and remembers.  _ Kylo _ . 

 

Hux drapes his arm over his eyes dramatically and silences the alarm. Five more minutes isn’t happening now and he needs to get Kylo the fuck out of his bed, out of his house and out of his life before anyone becomes wiser of this grandiose faux pas. He’s already being punished with this forsaken assignment. Having one of his superiors see him forming attachments won’t look good. 

 

Once he’s as clean as he can possibly get and his uniform is on and tidy, he shoves at Kylo’s large shoulder. “Kylo. Get up.” Hux shakes him again, “Time for you to go.” He leans over to make sure he’s breathing, with his luck the kid would have used the last twenty minutes to die in his bed, “Kylo.” He hears him groan before curling over onto his side, definitely alive, definitely still an asshole, “Kylo!”

 

Kylo doesn’t budge. 

 

Hux grinds his teeth, “KYLO!” 

 

“What the--!”

 

Kylo starts awake and the pile of blankets covering him falls to the floor in an inelegant heap leaving Kylo completely naked reminding Hux why he let Kylo stay at all. Hux ignores the fresh looking scars across his ribs and chest, suppressing the nagging question of where someone as young as Kylo would have collected so many. Instead, he checks the time and pulls Kylo’s legs over the edge of his bed and neatly drops to his knees. He has a full twenty five minutes before he has to report and his duty station is only a five minute walk away. 

 

Kylo exhales lowly when Hux licks quickly, efficiently from the base of his cock to head before taking him into his mouth lapping over the slick tip. Hux goes slack jawed and hungry as he looks up and sees the unfocused heat in Kylo’s downturned eyes, staring hotly through thick lashes right at Hux. He knows he doesn't have much time and takes Kylo inch by inch all the way down to the back of his throat. 

 

Kylo’s fingers catch in the neat slick of Hux’s gelled hair, pulling gently at the longer strands, twining them between his fingers. Hux lets out an appreciative huff when his nose bumps the warm skin of Kylo’s belly. He smooths his fingers up Kylo’s side, catching his thumb on all the dips of his ridiculously toned stomach. When Kylo arches forward pushing deeper into his throat, Hux presses his thumbs at the divot of his hips keeping him steady, as much as he hates his life currently, suffocating on a strangers dick isn’t exactly how he had planned on going out.

 

Hux rolls his tongue and teases out every savory drop of precome Kylo has to offer . He hollows out his cheeks and sucks hard up the entire length like he won’t be able to get enough. He reaches back and digs his nails into Kylo’s ass and pulls him deeper-- as deep as he can and swallows. Once. Twice. And on the third time Hux knows he’s doing something right when he feels Kylo’s legs start to shake.

 

Hux hums and looks up through his wet lashes at Kylo’s open mouth, flushed cheeks and eyes screwed shut. His fingers have moved to shakily hover over his head like a staccato halo on mute, as if he’s afraid to touch. Hux releases Kylo’s cock from his mouth and wraps his fingers around the base and strokes him slowly, “Kylo. Look at me.” He gulps air like he’s freshly surfaced from the brink of drowning and slowly opens his dark eyes. 

 

Hux sweeps his fist sweetly up and back down to the base and laps at the tip, demanding, “Come for me. Look at me when I make you come.” Hux grinds his fist in quick slick pumps before he brings the flushed tip to his tongue. Kylo is still staring hot and desperate at Hux when he gasps and comes, rolling his shoulders and finally pulling again at Hux’s mussed hair. Hux laps up the last drops of Kylo’s cum, “you look so fucking beautiful when you come,” Hux licks the corners of his mouth, slick drops wet over his lips and chin, “and you taste amazing.” 

 

Hux reaches up and pulls Kylo down into a filthy, slick kiss. “Don’t you?” He drags the edge of his thumb over his chin and sucks it in between his lips, staring hot daggers at Kylo who looks somewhere between death and bliss. 

 

“I knew you’d end up on your knees.” Kylo huffs through his crooked grin as Hux stands to brush the carpet lint off his knees and rearrange his hair back into it’s previously ordered state. 

 

“Don’t get cocky.” Hux immediately regrets his word choice as Kylo lets out an amused snort and stretches lazily barely listening to Hux. 

 

“Get dressed. You have to go. Right now.” Hux clips his comm to his belt behind his standard issue blaster. Watching as Kylo starts to dress quickly, as if he’s someone who might have to dress in a hurry on a regular basis.

 

“Hm, didn’t expect you to be a first order officer. You look good in a uniform.” Kylo smirks, giving Hux a long look from head to toe and pulls on his boots. 

 

“Out. Now.” Hux waits on the outside of the door to his small quarters already tapping away at a small datapad, pretending that he isn’t watching Kylo drift effortlessly through his dark rooms. 

 

“See you around Captain Coppercock.” Kylo ducks through the door, smirking at Hux and mock salutes him in the warming binary sunrise light,  tucking his dramatic duster up over his shoulders. 

 

“Hux.”

 

“What?” Kylo turns around, walking backwards stepping neatly over the uneven pitted duracrete. 

 

“My name. Hux.”

 

“See you around, Hux.” Kylo’s lips curl up at the edges, the start of a genuine smile stopped only by the wind whipping his long shaggy hair across his face. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -apparently Kylo makes a habit of sleeping with strange men without knowing their names... reckless little shit...
> 
>  
> 
> find me on [[tumblr]](http://saintvader.tumblr.com/)


	4. Eclairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux gets home...

Two weeks later Hux comes back to his quarters after putting in yet another request for a job transfer to find his door cracked open. He draws his blaster and holds it tight at his hip and slips into the dim light spilling across the floor. He sneaks into the kitchen and is immediately overwhelmed with the scent of sugar and butter and nearly shoots Kylo on sheer principle. 

 

“What in the-- why are you here! I nearly shot you!” 

 

“No you didn’t.” Kylo sways his hip into the counter edge and chews his lip giving Hux a long look from head to toe. 

 

“What--” Hux raises his blaster as obvious evidence. “Yes I did.” 

 

“Not even close. Come here and taste this“ Kylo holds a cream covered spoon out, letting a small dollop carelessly drip to the floor, “I need to know if it’s too sweet.” 

 

“Not until you tell me what you’re doing here. I could have you arrested for breaking and entering. Into an officers quarters no less! You’d be punished to the full extend of the law!”

 

“But you won’t. Come here. Or it’ll get cold.”

 

Hux huffs and shoves his blaster back on his hip holster and hesitates before licking the spoon, glaring daggers at Kylo. A burst of warm sweet cream hits his tongue and, whatever it is, it’s sinfully indulgent. “What is this?” 

 

He wants to tell Kylo that it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted but he would sooner die than admit to anyone that he appreciates anything but efficiency devoid of emotion. And nothing concerning Kylo is devoid of sentiment now.

 

Hux hates that he’s curious about Kylo. He hates that he wonders where he learned to cook, if someone taught him, where he came from at all. It would be easier to keep believing that Kylo is some sort of hyperreal synth skin covered sex droid rather that a real person-- someone with loving parents who bothered to teach him things. Things like baking. Things like running off and disappearing for weeks at a time with no mention of where he goes. Hux hates that he wonders what else Kylo might be good at that doesn’t require him to be naked. 

 

“It’s going to be filling for the pastry-- that will be done in--” Kylo cranes over to look at the timer on the oven, “five minutes. My mother did teach me to cook,” Kylo leans in and brushes a breathy kiss to the back of Hux’s jaw, “And I am real. Hundred percent flesh and blood. Although I could do this naked if it makes you more comfortable.” Hux resists the urge to lean into the kiss and demand Kylo finish baking in the nude. He pulls away slower than he would like, taking away as much of Kylo’s heat as he can along the way. 

 

“How did you--” he doesn’t finish  _ with read my mind _ , that would be absurd and instead redirects, “Stop avoiding my question, why are you here? And don’t tell me you broke in to  _ bake _ .” Hux isn’t sure if Kylo is some sort of savant mind reader-- or if he accidentally said everything out loud. 

 

Kylo smirks and pulls the cream off the heat and shoves the bowl into the sink-turned-ice-bath, whisking in more liquids rapidly. “I wanted to see you. To apologize.”

 

“For what?” Hux deadpans.

 

“I disappear sometimes. Without warning. It’s kinda my thing.” 

 

Hux stares flinty eyed and stern at Kylo beating another splash of extract, “I was fine with you staying gone, actually.”

 

“You.” Kylo points with the dripping whisk, “are a terrible liar.” He drops the whisk into the cream and dips his finger at the edge of the bowl, pleased with the outcome after tasting it. “You missed me, even if the only reason you might admit right now is for the frankly outstanding sex.” 

 

Hux leans into his plain cabinets and starts to pull his uniform shirt open. Denying that the sex has been fantastic would be counterproductive at best. “You owe me three orgasms for sneaking into my house. And you can’t stay.”

 

“Four. And I get to stay but I’ll leave before daybreak.” 

 

“Fine.”

  
Five hours and six orgasms later, Hux groans when Kylo purposefully wakes him with a brutal goodbye kiss. It’s nearly two hours before his alarm is set to wake him and Hux suspects that Kylo would have needed to leave that early anyway. The little snake played him and he can’t help but be a little proud of Kylo’s harmless deception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Kylo knowing how to cook, having learned from leia is one of my favourite headcanons. <3
> 
> find me on [[tumblr]](http://saintvader.tumblr.com/)


	5. Double or Nothing

Hux knows he isn’t a man built for love. He’s all hard edges and logic twisted up into a cold orderly package. He can read Kylo but he doesn’t understand the heart of him-- and he’s convinced he doesn’t need to or want to. Hux understands that emotions are important motivators-- but having them himself is something different altogether and not necessarily pleasant. So he knows that Kylo will show up every two weeks, usually looking battered and tired-- but despite every attempt to hate seeing Kylo’s sparse belongings strewn haphazardly throughout his room, Hux feels more at home in the sterile first order quarters than he has anywhere else ever. 

 

Thirteen days and eight hours after their sixth rendezvous, Hux is enjoying his one day off completing backlogged reports when Kylo casually picks the lock on his front door and walks in like he belongs right there in the middle of Hux’s well ordered life. The horrifying part is that Hux thinks he might.

 

Hux pulls his glasses off his nose and stares blankly at Kylo kicking off his dirty boots-- scattering blotches of mud onto the otherwise spotless floor. “We really should stop meeting like this.”

 

“Oh, you’re home.” Kylo looks less than shocked to see him despite his turn of phrase, “I brought you something. I hope you aren’t allergic.”

 

Hux rolls his eyes expecting half dead flowers from some mysterious garden Kylo happened upon doing all the things Hux never asks about. Hux figures at the very worst Kylo could have brought him some sort of erotic exotic food that could have the unfortunate side effect of death, something Kylo would be delighted with and insist Hux be a part of. What Hux doesn’t expect is the very small, very wet, very orange kitten Kylo plops in his empty lap. 

 

“She reminded me of you, colour-- obviously but I also found her hissing at two big dogs in a back alley last night.” Hux nearly flushes at the warm, almost fond notes in Kylo’s rich bourbon smooth voice. He hates that it’s an expectantly welcome sound in his life, that his first reaction is not to card his fingers through the kittens orange fur, but tangle them gently in at the nape of Kylo’s neck,to pull him down into his lap for a soft thank you kiss. He grinds his teeth, trying to stop the saccharine thoughts before they start but can’t help his wandering fingers from petting the kitten’s damp soft fur. 

 

“Does she have a name?” Is all Hux can manage to ask, watching the kitten curl up in his lap and lick her tiny toes before settling in for a nap. 

 

“Nope. She’s yours so that’s up to you,” Kylo tosses his wet duster lazily over the back of the rigid sofa and sits lewdly across from Hux with his legs in an open sprawl. He tips his head back, shaking out the rain from his hair and stares at Hux firmly over his cheekbones. 

 

“Things are slow right now and I don’t have to leave again for a few more days. Maybe even a week. I was thinking I could stay here-- don’t worry I can stay invisible-- I know how sensitive you are about the order and the others seeing you--” Kylo flexes his jaw and grinds his fingernails into the cushion fabric, “I dunno. Have a real life, real friends-- attachments or whatever. I don’t know what it says about me that you thought I was the robot.” Kylo picks at his nails, clearly knowing he’s asking for something more-- something Hux has refused him so far. Something Kylo clearly wants and thinks he’s deserving of. 

 

Hux narrows his eyes and frowns, “Kylo-- you aren’t my boyfriend.” 

 

The room goes still as Kylo freezes-- almost as if somehow all the white noise is momentarily stopped before starting back up again. “I know.” And despite Hux’s lack of empathy and aloof exterior, he can sense Kylo is lying. He clearly thought there was more to this. Hux hates that he’s probably lying too, mostly to himself, but Kylo seems willing enough to believe that Hux doesn’t even like him much less want him to stick around. 

 

“It’s fine. I actually have to go.” Kylo grabs his jacket and makes his way to the mess he left his boots in by the door. “Just remembered something I have to do. I’ll see you around.”

 

“Kylo wait.” Hux says weakly, peeling the kitten from his lap and placing her on his abandoned warm spot. “Don’t--” 

 

Kylo pauses before he shoves his foot in his second boot. “Why so you can toss me out again before sunrise?” 

 

Hux rolls his eyes skyward as if looking to his stark-white ceiling for the answers to the over-dramatic mystery that is Kylo. “Stay. Until you have to leave again. Help me pick a name for her.” He nods back at his chair. 

 

Kylo drops his boot to the floor and shoves his foot in harshly, “I told you, she’s yours so that’s on you.” He leaves the laces undone as he flicks his hood up and the door open and stomps back into the rain without another word.

 

* * *

 

Over the next five weeks Hux is sure Kylo is never coming back. He hasn’t seen or heard from him and has a sick mix of emotions when the transfer he requested soon after meeting Kylo is answered with not only a better post but a promotion. Major Hux, second in command to one of the new star destroyers in the fleet. Apparently he hasn’t been forgotten. All the strategy reports and tireless work he put in while being punished is paying off. He considers that this assignment, being cut off from the majority of the fleet in a position of isolation and suffering  was a test. A test of loyalty. Of fortitude. One that he’s obviously passed with flying colours. 

 

So when his last bag is packed and Millicent’s carrier is prepped and ready for an early morning transport-- the last thing Hux expects to see is Kylo standing in his empty doorway shaking. Looking deathly pale under a fading wash of bruises along his jaw and wrists. Hux knows he should ask, this is the worst state Hux has ever seen Kylo turn up in, the regular fading bruises and aches and pains during his previous visits had been easy to disregard. Of course people like Kylo got into fights. But the state of him now, dripping in obvious pain leads Hux to believe that there was more to the prior wounds. 

 

“You're leaving.” Kylo’s voice is stiff-- Hux tries to tell himself it’s because he just doesn’t remember what Kylo should sound like. He ignores that it’s not even close to being the truth.

 

“Transferred. With a promotion.”

 

“Congratulations. I guess.”  Kylo hesitates and turns to leave, “I should--” and Hux, for the first time does what feels right and reaches out to stop him. 

 

“Kylo. Stay. Please?” Hux pulls him by his hand, laces their fingers together and even though he knows it won’t fix or change anything, he finally kisses Kylo without being asked. He brushes their lips carefully together, like he’d always meant to as he lets the potential of whatever they could have had slip away. He feels the catch in his chest, his heart taking up so much room it hurts to breathe. He could love Kylo till their blood runs cold, and can see the flash of another life where they’re happy instead two people aimlessly drifting past one another. 

 

Hux can’t bring himself to ask who or where the bruises, cuts and burns came from, so he cleans him in dimly lit silence. His thumb presses too hard into a freshly acquired bruise and Kylo’s breath catches, Hux is tempted to protect Kylo with everything he can. To wrap him up in his arms and promise to never let go. 

 

Instead of doing the right thing-- the incomprehensibly stupid thing and begging Kylo to come with him-- offering more than either of them could manage, he takes him to bed one last time. He barely holds himself together with clenched fists and lets his heart shatter into a million tiny pieces with the finality of silently dressing in the dark as Kylo sleeps. He knows he's endured worse things than a broken heart but he can’t manage to think of a single thing as he leaves without a goodbye.

  
The next morning Kylo wakes alone, finds himself sore and stiff in an empty bed in an empty room. It’s truly the first time he feels bone deep hate for someone he had purposefully let into his life. He feels the sick urge to bring the whole base to the ground rise up from the pit of his stomach until the bruises on his wrists serve as a reminder of his greater purpose. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- this is sort of the finish to Part One of this fic  
> \- tbc...
> 
> find me on [[tumblr]](http://saintvader.tumblr.com/)


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